I am full of burrito and curiosity
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize