dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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