Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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