omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
