ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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