He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
