so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
