this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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