R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
