look no pants
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So vagazzling was a success
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
