I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
