CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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