I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't deserve a penis
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
