Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
pray to the hookup gods
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
