So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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