Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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