I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
