I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
