I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
