i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
