dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
