is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
