so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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