I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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