goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
