fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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