My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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