just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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