11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Someone came in the potted fern
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
