hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
