I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
