I'm so fucking centered right now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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