I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
