I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
