I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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