her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
