I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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