I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize