i just had sex bonerless
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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