i permit you to call me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
