jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
