I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
