i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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