She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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