its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm like, not good at living.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
