i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think I am morally bankrupt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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