We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
