i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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