drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
