i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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