dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
