can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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