Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize