I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
