he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
