I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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