and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
