I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
