you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
