my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
