Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
