I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize