Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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