Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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