You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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