You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
