By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
