I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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