if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
