Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
