No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I smell stomach acid.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
