that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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