Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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