thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
no you cant smoke seaweed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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