The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
