it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
