Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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