I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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