You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
