She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
