he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
