I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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