A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ttyl tear gas
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize