my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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