we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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