if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
