All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Randomize
