You smell like stripper and shame
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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