When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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