Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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