My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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