Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
