I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
two words...techno handjob
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
