Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
