So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
