I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
