You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
