You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
