someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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