Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
