she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
