After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
