question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
