So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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