and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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